behappy

YesBeWell Relaxation

Be Happy!

Chapter Two

VALUE ALL EXPERIENCE
Yours Counts Most

My father stood in front of me in the living room. He held an unopened pack of Camels in one hand and a lighted Benson & Hedges in the other. The ash was about to drop off his cigarette.

"Where did these come from?" he asked, not quite yelling. The Camels had dropped out of my coat pocket. I cursed my carelessness. As a teenager I lied to my father to avoid his anger, working hard to keep stories straight and not do anything dumb...like letting cigarettes fall out of my pocket.

"Oh...ah...I'm just keeping them for Steve, you know. His parents would freak at the sight of cigarettes. I told him I would keep them for him. I knew you wouldn't mind cigarettes being in the house."

Dad looked at me. I had been caught off guard and my lie was transparent. "Tell Steve I do mind. I don't want you smoking, son. It is a dumb, dumb habit. Got that?"

"Right. OK," I said, relaxing. He was not going to get mad. "Dumb habit, Dad."

Handing me the Camels, his cigarette ash falling onto the carpet, he walked back into the dining room, where he was working on his Formula Five Race Car designs. I went down the hall to my room and fell on my bed, my heart pounding. Dad’s anger terrified me.

My father was good at saying, "Do as I say, not as I do!" He seemed uninterested in improving himself, but he wanted to make sure I did not make the mistakes he made.

What did I learn from this? I lost respect for him each time he said "Do as I say, not as I do!" whether in words or actions. Instinctively, though, I still wanted to be like him, even when I disliked what he did. Rarely did I learn from his experiences, clearly not as often as he wished.Why not? Because they were his experiences.

I may see the truth in what he--or anyone--says to me, but until I experienced it for myself the truth remains distant from me, a belief at best. Believing is for me the way I shape my approach to issues I have yet to experience. I have learned to keep my mind and heart open as often as possible and just let it be.

I used to work hard to avoid painful experiences. I worked so hard at avoiding pain I created even more pain for myself. Sometimes I would repeat a painful experience countless times before seeing through the illusion I was chasing. Then I peel back another veil of truth, seeing one layer deeper into myself and the world around me.

In the years after my father translated (died), I have gradually let go of the old fear of him. Letting go of this fear and pain helped me learn to welcome all experiences--joyful or painful, happy or sad. I have experienced that I grow when I am willing to take risks...constructive risks.

What am I risking? Usually just leaving something behind--something which, painful or pleasurable, has become familiar and comfortable. Taking a step into the unknown can be scary, but I find it always rewarding.

I learned many things from my father, including how best not to approach some situations; but none of what I learned had real impact until I had my own experiences.

Hold your own counsel in high esteem. You and only you can best define truth in your life. Do not take my word for anything. Use discrimination and look for what echoes true to you, then try it for yourself.

Learning from experiences is one key to Being Happy!